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Three Socially Inappropriate Places To Stash Your Baggies Of Heroin By Zach Seemayer and Lev Shtrikman When you need to hide your stash, for either transport or incase of raids, it’s understandable to stuff the happy dust up your bum, or in the walls. You could even stuff it down your throat, and crap it out later, although preferably not on your old gym teacher’s living room floor after you’ve broken into his house at 3 AM, strung out and insane after stomach acids burned a hole through at least one of the balloons you swallowed, allowing the narcotics to seep into your blood. Anyway, there is a code of conduct for this. You can’t just go stashing it anywhere. So here are places to AVOID stashing your stash. 1. A kidnapped baby. Although the urban legend about smuggling drugs in the stomach cavities of dead, kidnapped babies is a classic, it’s generally looked upon as “excessively horrific” and “unbelievably fucked up”. People will, generally, hold it against you. Possibly even think less of you. Also, you will NEVER be invited to any more of your friends’ kid’s birthday parties. 2. Your NEIGHBOR’S ass. Stuffing them up your own ass is one thing. If you do it to someone else, that’s just a social faux-pas. As a rule of thumb, people don’t like things forcibly rammed up their ass without permission. You may think “But hey! It’s drugs! Everyone loves drugs!” Not up their ass. 3. Wearing the baggies like a little hat. Its not that it’s stupid, but little hats are just so out of fashion. No one wears hats now days. What do you think this is? The 1950s? NO! You wear a hat, and your just BEGGING to be laughed at by the drug smuggling community! |
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