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Infomercial-Mania By Zach Seemyer You ever notice how the infomercials get weirder as the night gets later (or morning gets earlier depending on how you look at it)? Anyway, the infomercials during the day are for things that I bet I could use at least ONCE in my life use, such as the dice-n-chopper, the blend-o-matic shaped like a domed bullet or the 31-in-one home cooker. I mean, yeah, I can, at one point or another, see myself using something like that. Then, at about midnight, they get a little weirder. Like the home pencil maker where they give you wood, a drill, and a granite rod to make your own pencils...you know...for fun? Or the 7-blade octoshaver (yes, even tho there are only 7 blades, its still an "octo") But I mean shit, like 3 or 4 in the morning, while I have insomnia and I'm watching the 330 AM repeat of Jay leno, and I see the 'Shop at home goat network' and no, no, they don't sell goats that would be too normal. They sell goat-related products. Like, a bracelet made of goat teeth or a can of imitation goat shit...you know...as party favors??? DUH!!. I kid you not, I once saw an add for a home penis-piercing kit. I'm not stupid enough to let a professional STAB MY DICK, let alone myself, especially since I saw the add to buy it, it means I'm staying up too late as it is so I'm already tired. But no, I'm not too tired to shove an ice pick through my goodie-rod. YES!!! YES I AM!! But if it’s not weirdness its idiocy. Like where you start your own state quarter collection. That’s right, you get all the state quarters, (of which I think there are 18 out so-far, something like that that) and a mint-collection book with little slots for the quarters for the low, low price of 40$....that booklet should not cost 35 dollars. Either that or your paying like a dollar a quarter...wow...simply wow...and people obviously fall for this shit or it wouldn't be on. The people who put on these ads realize that the people buying them are too tired to know what they are paying for. I hate retards. Even when I'm tired I know I'm being monetarily raped in the ass. I think they should have more food adds at night. It's prime stoner time. I mean fuck; I am really surprised I don't see like pop-tart commercial after top-roman commercial-after mac-and cheese commercial for 3 straight hours.
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