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Arby’s releases new Cheesy, Cheese Stack Slammer Sandwich with additional cheese Be Angelo Bowers Staff Writer
Not long after Arby’s debuted the cheese slammer (with additional cheese), word of mouth spread and now the all cheese ‘cheeswich’ is beating out such fast food classics as the Big Mac and the Whooper. Marcus Shoeman, vice president of creative marketing at Burger King does not believe the hype. “Big f***ing deal! So what if Arby’s released a sandwich made out of cheese. It’s not even a sandwich! It’s not even shaped like a sandwich! It’s just a block of cheese that comes with a bag filled with extra cheese. Ok, if you want something creative and delicious, why not try Burger King’s new Triple XXX-Extreme Whopper? It comes with eight hamburger patties and is the size of a small six year-old child. Does it have cheese you ask? How about eight fucking slices! Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that the bread we use is specially shipped from Korea and is deep fried for six minutes in hot, liquid magma nacho cheese. Dude, we’ve had four cases where customers have gotten third degree burns just from eating the fucking bread!” Arby’s is now working on a similar sandwich that is made completely out of bacon. “I’m working on the Arby’s Baconfest, Bacon Kamikaze Slammer with additional bacon,” said Weinheimer as he relaxes with a glass of Arby’s new Crisco Blizzard Smoothie. “Imagine, if you will, Pearl Harbor, but, instead of the Japanese dropping bombs, they’re dropping bits of bacon. Get it? Like bacon bombs. That’s basically going to be are main advertising hook on this one.” The company is already facing lots of heated controversy over a previous commercial depicting a slave refusing to be freed in order to keep getting fed Arby’s steak fries by his white master. “Ok, maybe we went a little too far on that one but, come on! If I was a slave and my master was feeding me steak fries everyday, obviously I would want to continue being his slave,” said Weinheimer, laughing nervously. “Because he’s got great taste… not like I’m condoning slavery or anything like that it’s just that… we have really great steak fries and I’ll stand by that no matter what.” “Oh yeah, don’t forget to tell the people that Arby’s hates slavery,” added Weinheimer in between conference calls from the NAACP. Arby’s plans to release respectful commercials sometime in the fall for both the Cheesy, Cheese Stack Slammer Sandwich with additional cheese and the BBQ/Butter Fried Steak Fries with additional steak.
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ATLANTA-Kyle Weinheimer’s latest idea seemed pretty tame to the average fast-food consumer: a sandwich made completely out of cheese. “I wanted to cut to the chase and save money at the same time,” said Weinheimer from his office at Arby’s corporate headquarters in Atlanta . “What if we made the first sandwich made completely out of cheese? No bread, lettuce, tomato, meat, or dressing. Just cheese.”
