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Tough Courthouse Negotiations By Zach Seemayer Prosecutor: Your client doesn’t need mental help, he needs the electric chair. HE KILLED 33 PEOPLE!! Defense Attorney: Well, he’s been getting help, like, you know, therapy. Prosecutor: What kind of Therapy? Defense Attorney: Well, two different methods of deprivation. Sensory deprivation where they isolate him from outside stimulants like sound and images or light. And a thing they call the "matrix" method. Prosecutor: What’s the 'Matrix' method? Defense Attorney: Well, they hold things right in front of him and tell him they aren’t there. You know, like spoons...or badgers. Prosecutor: Wow...well, how is that working out? Defense Attorney: Well, he seems to be improving somewhat. Prosecutor: So... he hasn’t been violent? Defense Attorney: Well, he’s killed four guards, a therapist, and two technicians... Prosecutor: HOW THE FUCK IS THAT AN IMPROVEMENT??? Defense Attorney: He didn't try to eat their penises...
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