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Why Does Daddy Smell Like Whiskey? By Sheldon K. Foster 'Best Student Essay' Winner (4th Grade) Our Lady of Fatima Elementary School Modesto , California My dad is the coolest! He smells like bourbon and other people’s mommies. When he comes home at three in the morning he always looks tired. Before he can give me a hug, he says that he has to wash his fun zone so mommy won’t get mad. Daddy is funny. He likes to smoke in the bathroom and after he’s done, the whole house smells like skunk! Daddy says the smoke helps him to forget how much of a whore mommy is. Whatever that means. Sometimes I can hear daddy and mommy talking in the middle of the night. A lot of times daddy gets mad at mommy because she says she’s always tired. Then daddy says that she wasn’t tired when she had playtime with his sales rep Dan. Mommy is a whore. I told my friend Casey that my mom was a whore and he said that his mom was a bigger whore then my mom, so I kicked him in the face. I got in trouble for doing that. My dad is the greatest! My mom says that my dad smells like strippers. My dad says that my mom drinks whore juice. What’s whore juice? My dad is the best! He takes me to get ice cream every Sunday night even though he says he has a hangover. I asked my mom what a hangover means and she said that it means daddy is an asshole. Mommy is funny. I went to the corner market and asked the nice hairy man if I could buy some whore juice. He started laughing real hard. I told him that my mom was a whore and he started to laugh again. That man at the corner market talks funny! I love my mom and my dad. They’re the best parents in the world. I also love my dog Skippy because he’s my best friend. |
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