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Battle Plans By Lev Shtrikman and Zachary Seemayer Sergeant: Here is the map you ordered, sir. General: Very good, let’s have a look at it. Is it accurate? Sergeant: Very, this is the enemy’s current reading list, and I’ve marked out the page numbers where the enemy has left off. General: Huckleberry Finn? That’s a, uh…classic. Sergeant: Sir, why did you need this map? General: I’m writing up our military strategy. See these loony suicidal posts on the front line? We’re going to fill them with men who have very small penises. Sergeant: Why? General: They’re pissed off at the world and have got a lot to prove. Now, their backup will be the big dicks and I don’t mean assholes. Hopefully their social confidence will carry through into the battlefield. Imagine a whole field of Elephant-dicked killing machines. Sergeant: Sir, maybe we should base our military on more of a meritocracy. You know, gauging their experience and skill, not penis size. General: I’m not listening to you, short stuff. I’ve got a war to win and a dick to wave. |
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