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Politics In Hell By Lev Shtrikman The Politics of Hell: Debate between the candidates Glorath the Cruel: He wants to take our rights and give them to the humans. We’ll be seeing lower wages and harder work. To support all his crazy humanitarian programs, he’ll need to both raise taxes and take money out of demonitarian projects. Under his plan, the human you’re torturing will retire before you do. The Three-Armed Mendar: My opponent is skewering the facts. I merely think that all residents of hell should get the same rights. This is their home too. Glorath the Cruel: Do you want your children going to the same schools as a human? The Three-Armed Mendar: Why can’t we just extend a hand of cooperation to humanity? Glorath the Cruel: You want to give them the right to vote too? We must stand united against these radical ideas. I personally won’t stand for the notion of a human cavorting around with my daughter and I think you all agree with me. The Three-Armed Mendar: Not even a human would touch your daughter. Glorath the Cruel: BLAR! (at this point he jumped podiums and consumed his opponents brain, forming a fresh and exciting amalgamated candidate who swept the polls and the elections.)
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