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Ten Little-Known Facts By Zach Seemayer #1. Pi, although originally thought to be 3.14159... and so on to some unknown number or possibly infinity, is actually 54. Scientists just say its an irrational number and try to figure it out to the seven-billionth digit so they can have something to do on Saturday night while they are busy NOT having sex. #2. Asians can drive better than any other culture, it’s the rest of us who can't drive. We’re just judging them by our own incorrect, skewed perspective. #3. Bill Gates once ate a vinyl record... for shits and giggles... very painful vinyl shits. #4. JFK was gay. Jackie and Marylin? Both dudes in drag. But don't worry. It doesn’t make you gay to fantasize about dudes in drag, especially if you didn't know. But it does make you bi. #5. 17 of our presidents weren’t real people. They were highly sophisticated robots made of spit, newspaper and monkey semen. #6. No one named Velma has been born since 1947. #7. X, X, O, L1, L2, L1, R1, O, X, X, Left, Down, Right, Up, L1, L2, R1, R2, is the PlayStation 2 cheat for GTA3 to turn your character into jack the ripper and have him slash hookers with a meat cleaver and ornately decorate their bodies with their own intestines. #8. OJ was actually convicted. The whites were just too afraid to piss off the blacks after that whole 'LA Riot' thing. All the photos of OJ golfing in Florida are doctored. #9. An obscure passage in the constitution clearly protects a citizen's right to hunt wombats with crossbows. #10. Tin cans haven’t been filled with anything but spring-loaded foam snakes since the start of the Truman administration.
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