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Google Unveils New AdSense Terms Of Service Enforcer-Bot
By Zach Seemayer For those who don’t know what Google AdSense is, it is the small ads, usually text-based, found on most websites. They provide funding for the site they are one. When a visitor CLICKS ON AN AD they are brought to the company advertising, and the person who owns the site gets money, which helps him or her continue to effectively run the site, and bring their audience more wonderful content.
One of the most violated Terms Of Service is the rule that a person who hosts Google AdSense ads can only have “Advertisements’ or “Sponsored Links” above the ads, and nothing else such as “PLEASE CLICK ON THESE ADS” or “HELP MY SITE BY CLICKING ON THESE ADS.” Those are not terms that are allowed.
In fact, asking ANYONE, and ANYTIME to CLICK ON THE ADS is incredibly prohibited. You are not allowed to ask people in e-mails, on your site, or even in person. This has raised questions with many people as to how this could be enforced. Some have suggested that the term is just an empty threat or honor policy agreement, while others have speculated that demons are involved. Now, it turns out, the TOS Enforcer-Bot will take on the responsibility.
Armed with shoulder-launched missiles, titanium frames, extendable claws, and a top running speed of 80 mph, this merciless robot has become the bane of a suddenly shortened existence for many AdSense subscribers.
“My friend had written “IF YOU CLICK ON THESE LINKS, YOU COULD SAVE MY WEBSITE” above one of his ads, and two days later, we were sitting at a coffee shop, and the robot crashed through the window of the shop and impaled my friend with his massive claws,” said webmaster Eddie Tanor of his friend Greg Bishop. “Oh, god, there was blood and shit and coffee everywhere. It was like a German porno.”
The unveiling of the robot has lead to the deaths of over 5000 AdSense subscribers, further casting doubts on Google’s motto “Don’t Be Evil.” As of press time, Google has no plans of shutting the beast down, which they could with a simple press of a button.
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This Too Is A
Google AdSense Ad
In a stunning new move, Google has unveiled a project that they have been working on for a number of years: The Google AdSense Terms Of Service Enforcer-Bot. The hulking monstrosity, with a towering 10’2” frame and weighing over 3 tons, has been programmed to do one thing, and one thing only: Find violators of the Google AdSense terms of service, and brutally murder them. And then deactivate their AdSense account.
