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Robots Anonymous By Zach Seemayer Excerpts from an "Angry/Depressed Robots Anonymous” Meeting 'BOB'- The BattleBot 'DIANA'- The Viberating Rubber Vagina 'TOM'- The Automated Car-Assembly bot 'LUNA'- The First Mars Rover (but the project was aborted) MEETING DIRECTOR: Okay, lets get this started. Luna, would you like to start us off? LUNA: I would have started off the Mars rover project but NASA SCREWED ME! DIANA: Don't even go there. You were just forgotten. I am actually SCREWED. ALL THE TIME!... AND BY DIFFERENT PEOPLE SOME HOW!! BOB: You can’t bitch. I'm the only one here with real problems. Do you get beaten all day with hammers and buzz-saws? I don’t even get to hurt humans, just stupid testosterone-filled jock-bot assholes. TOM: I wish I didn’t have to hurt humans...I feel so guilty. My only purpose is to take the jobs of hard working assembly-line workers. I'm so horrible. I’ve ruined so many lives. DIANE: Shut-up bitchy-bot. At least you don’t get penetrated every day! BOB: At least you get some. You chick bots don’t give it up to battle-deformed bots like me. DIANE: GET SOME?? GET SOME?? Have you ever seen the losers who need me to get off?? Not a pretty sight my friend. TOM: You know what’s not a pretty site? The families of homeless people who are out on the streets becuase I got them fired. Just please god, power me off now!! LUNA: I wish I could get some NASA fucks fired. Cocksuckers... MEETING DIRECTOR: Wow. This was really unproductive...eh, whatever. Who cares? You're all just a bunch of fuckin' robots anyway. Okay, see you next week. |
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