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5 Ways to Celebrate Bastille Day By Zach Seemayer Bastille Day, observed on July 14h, is a French Holiday that celebrates the French Revolution and the Rebel’s attack on the Bastille prison. 5. Act like you’re culture is really great. Walk around with an undeserved sense of accomplishment just because you’ve got better food than England or Ireland. Ignore the fact that you’re most famous artist (Picasso) is actually from Spain and that you haven’t won any military conflict in the last 3 hundred years except against yourself. Forget to realize that, when the only person you win against is yourself, you still lost in a way. 4. Gather a group of drunken friends who have a vague, easily manipulated distrust of the Government and try to storm a prison. Don’t take “Stop or I’ll shoot you to death” as an answer from those stuck up Guards. They think they’re so great. They ain’t shit! Ain’t shit I’m tellin’ YA!! 3. First I like to gather together a bunch of cats from around the neighborhood and take them back to my house. After buying a bunch of K-Y Jelly, I raise their tails and get on my knees behind them. Then, with one quick thrust I-…wait… BASTILLE Day? Oh shit. My bad. I thought we were talking about Cat Sodomy Day. I was mistaken, that takes place on JUNE 14. 2. Fire works, ice crème, hot dogs, and a huge family gathering in a park or possibly on a lakeshore. Also, celebrate it 10 days earlier on the day of a REAL celebration of independence and freedom from an oppressive government. 1. Don’t do anything. Seriously, who gives a shit about Bastille Day?
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