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You Bet Your Ass It's Gourmet! By Zach Seemayer Inside Antonio’s Gourmet Coffee Shop Man: Yeah, I just want a small coffee. Girl: What kind? Man: The kind I can drink. The liquid stuff. Girl: Yeah, I got that. I mean what flavor? Man: What flavor? Coffee flavor. Girl: Italaian Vanilla Mocha Man: No, coffee. Girl: Grande Cinnamocha? Man: No, just coffee Girl: Vanilcinnamocatoffeejava? Man:… what the hell is that? Girl: Vanilla, cinnamon, chocolate, toffee and espresso. Man: What the hell? Did I walk into a candy shop and didn’t know it? I don’t want a flavor other than coffee. Girl: I don’t follow. Man: You know that stuff, that liquid, that you add all that crap too? Girl: Java? Man: yeah, Coffee. Give me. Girl: I don’t think we serve just regular coffee. Man: [Points towards sign reading “Antonio’s Gourmet Coffee Shop] You have the words Coffee shop in your name. That means you are a shop for coffee. I give you money for coffee, you give me the coffee that I gave you money for. Its fairly basic commerce, Girl: We are a GOURMET coffee shop. Man: Is “gourmet” French for “not a”? Girl: Again, not following. Man: This is not a coffee shop. Girl: [stares blankly] Man: Ok, fuck it. Do you serve tea? Girl: Tea? Oh yeah, we got tea. Green tea, raspberry tea, orange tea, ginger tea, pink lemonade tea, blueberry tea, lemon tea and vanilla tea. Man: No, just regular hot tea. No god damed flavor. Girl: I don’t know what you mean. Man: I seriously think I may have to kill you. Girl: You seem upset. Man: Okay, you know what? Screw it. I’ll pander to you’ll little game. I’ll have a grande caramel javajam with a mocha swirl and cinnachips. Girl: [Stares at him blankly] What the fuck are you talking about. I don’t know what those words mean in that order. Freak. |
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