|
|
|
Irrationally Angry Reactions To Bad, But Not Terrible, News By Zach Seemayer “I’m sorry sir, but your credit card has been declined.” “YOUR CREDIT WAS DECLINED!!” “Ex-..excuse me?” “RUN MY SCARF!” “Your scarf?” “YEAH! SEE IF THERES MONEY ON IT!” “Sir, we don’t except scarves as payment…” “TRY MY SOCKS!” “Darn, we missed our movie.” “DAMN IT! NOW I HAVE TO GO MURDER SOME HOOKERS!” “Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain speaking. Our approach to our destination has been delayed due to weather conditions. We will be arriving an hour late.” “DAMN IT! NOW I HAVE TO MURDER SOME FLIGHT ATTENDANTS!” “Hi, please sit down. Listen, while we ARE going to give you a sizable raise, I regret to inform you that the promotion is no longer available.” “YOUR WIFE AND CHILDREN SHALL BE MY SUCCULANT EVENING FEAST!” “Dude, did you hear? You’re ex-wife is getting married.” “YEAH?! WELL, LETS SEE HOW HAPPY THEY ARE WHEN THEY WAKE UP IN THEIR HONEYMOON HOTEL ROOM IN MUAI AND FIND ME PEEING ALL OVER THEIR LUGGAGE!” “We regretfully inform you that you do not qualify to attend our university.” “DAMN IT! NOW I HAVE TO GO MURDER SOME DEANS!” “I’m sorry, but you simply cannot make up the midterm. You’ll either have to do extra credit or, if you want, I could give you an incomplete if it would help you.” “I GIVE YOU AN INCOMPLETE! AN INCOMPLETE LIFE!!!!” “Are you threatening me?” “WITH AN AXE!” “Dude, it turns out that they aren’t going to make an X-MEN 4.” “I’M SO DAMN MAD I COULD SHIT!” “I’m sorry sir, we just don’t carry that brand of toothpaste.” “WHAT? WHY? WHAT HAPPENED TO IT? DID YOU EAT IT ALL YOU FAT FUCK?!” “Um… we never carried it… and I’m 6’2, 150 pounds… “ “WHY? WHY DO YOU HATE TIJAUANA HOOKERS?!” “Excuse me? “WELL, YOU MUST BECAUSE RIGHT NOW YOUR BASICALLY TELLING ME THAT YOU WANT ME TO GO TO TIAJUANA AND PICK UP A HOOKER AND BRING HER BACK TO THIS STORE AND MURDER HER RIGHT HERE IN THIS ISLE! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!?!” “Hey, uh, you should know. When you left for work, it started to rain and the roof is leaking…” “GOD, DAMN YOU!” “God Damn me?” “NO, NOT YOU YA IDIOT. GOD. DAMN GOD RIGHT TO HIS FUCKING HELL!! I’LL KILL HIM! I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL KILL HIS OMNIPOTENCE!!!” |
|
