|
Coca Cola Unveils New Zero Jews Coke By Angelo Bowers Staff Writer ATLANTA-The Coca Cola Company is facing heated controversy over their latest diet cola drink known as Zero Jews Coke. The company is usually highly praised for their innovative, multi-flavor soft drinks but, now they are facing serious lawsuits from over 20 different Jewish American organizations. “Personally, I don’t know what the big deal is. It’s just a diet soda drink which happens to have zero calories and zero Jews,” said co-chairmen Ronald Hurst. “This has nothing to do with anti-Semitism, it’s just a great tasting soda and has nothing to do with Jews, hence the name Zero Jews Coke. See? It rolls right off the tongue. Kids love it. Kids love soda and they love caffeine. See, I know what kids like. They don’t like any of these special fruity drinks and they don’t like Jews– wait, that came out wrong. Don’t print that! What I meant to say is that kids don’t like prunes!” Several protestors have camped out side of Coca Cola headquarters in Atlanta including members of the Canadian Jewish League of Extraordinary Jews and the Denver chapter of WSW Fraternity of Honor (Weinstein, Spielberg, and Weinstein). Several former Coca Cola supporters are now speaking out against the new diet drink including Sal Sternburg. “I find it despicable! Shame on you Coca Cola! How can you market a drink that’s obviously anti-Semitic? Have you even seen the can? It has a picture of Seinfeld with a big X over his face! I mean come on! Seinfeld is one of the greatest Jewish entertainers of all time! What’s next? Zero Barbara Streisand Coke! Fuck you Coca Cola!” Even though the company has received considerable backlash towards the new product (Especially in parts of New York and Florida), they still plan to keep on marketing it. “Yes, we are still going to keep promoting Zero Jews Coke. Hey, trust me. I would yank the stuff off the shelves but, we already shipped over 90,000 of these puppies. Besides, people in Texas love it. Hell, they can’t get enough of it,” said Hurst as he views the angry crowd from high above his loft in the Coca Cola building. As of now the Coca Cola Company will continue to market Zero Jews Coke until the end of 2007.
|
|
