|
|
|
My Run For Student Government By Lev Shtrikman I unsuccessfully ran for student government twice and I wasn’t trying to lose. It was an embarrassing defeat. The problem was that my political base was too broad and too many people liked me. Actually, it was the exact opposite of my previous statement. It was hard to get my name out there. All the letters, and they had to be in the right order. My crew couldn’t shoulder that responsibility. Half of them were retards who wore football helmets to school so they wouldn’t get hurt and the other half forgot theirs at home. I was tardy for speech day and absent on makeup speech day. During election day, I kept screaming at my opponent that I’ll be the bigger man and call it a draw, but the response was always the same; “That doesn’t make sense” and, “You should have tried harder if you wanted to win.” NO! YOU should try harder at failing! Then I won’t have to try. But you’re just too lazy!” I said, while I pushed her or harassed her sexually as the principal later told my parents. I’m a political animal damn it! People need to listen to me rant and pretend to be interested. So at my high school reunion, I passed out ballots that only had my name on them. I won. I scored more votes than any president, Jesus, Black Jesus, or anybody. Then, I got my cat elected using the same methods. Boy, was he happy that day. No beatings AND a vice-presidential position. If I had only remembered to feed him, it’d have been the best day in his life. It wasn’t, he died. So, Vote for me! For everything but Miss America. I’m too fat. |
|
