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The Hottest Hottie In The History of Hot Hotties By Lev Shtrikman Look at that girl, she’s three times more beautiful than anyone here. She’s more beautiful than the last sunset of spring. She’s more beautiful than a dew-spotted ladybug against an Arabian desert. She’s more attractive than a quivering nipple on porn star’s rack. More beautiful than you, your dad, you’re fucking universe. Don’t look directly at her. Her beauty rays will tattoo obscenities directly on your eyeballs and steal the hubcaps off your car. Without her beauty, Democracy would fail and communism would take over. She is what’s keeping the aliens from invading our planet and stealing our oceans. Elton John once tried to write a song about her, but that blew up the straight part of his brain and made him gay. Her beauty repels water like oil and allows her to deep-sea dive for pearls without getting wet. There used to be a country called New China, because of her it’s now called Norway and nobody knows why. Around her, the Plank Constant is pretty constant, but not that constant. Why does that caged bird sing? I don’t know; I wasn’t paying attention. I was looking at that hot girl. She has been added to the Hindu pantheon and the Catholics are already working on revising that trinity thing. |
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